fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize