You really coming over, don't trick.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
