I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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