She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize