sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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