So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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