I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
