I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize