What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
