i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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