then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
