omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We need to get me chipped asap
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
