So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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