I need help removing her.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
