pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
