I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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