if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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