Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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