Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
