I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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