Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
