why didn't you poke me back
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
