Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
