New invention idea: vibrating tampons
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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