I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
