maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
