I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
