Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
