Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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