shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
