I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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