She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
