I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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