Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
