i already hear my dad disowning me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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