i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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