I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
