I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
