i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
