two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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