i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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