where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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