Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
