New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
