It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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