I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this boner is exhausting
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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