I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
