Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
