My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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