woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
