my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
