my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
