i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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