Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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