oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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