can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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