I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
