do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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