my text book just quoted the cookie monster
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
