last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
