stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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