dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
