I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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