I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
