I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
