oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
