The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
