She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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