I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
