And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
