I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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