i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
