when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
