I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
