Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize