I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
