the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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