Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
