So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
