what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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