garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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