it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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