do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
