do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
