Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
