C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
